BRITISH MEPs LOOK TO BAIL OUT BEFORE BREXIT: In Germany, time spent as an MEP can propel you toward the chancellery. In Poland, a sitting MEP (Andrzej Duda) became president. In the United Kingdom, MEPs have no such special status.

Vicky Ford, Ian Duncan, David Campbell Bannerman and Daniel Hannan are just four from a long list of British Conservative MEPs keen to put themselves on the benches of the House of Commons. To get there, they’d have to leapfrog over unelected ministerial advisers, who are ahead of them in the line. In the case of some — Hannan — they must overcome the outright resistance of their party.

This unseemly scramble was set in motion by Theresa May calling a snap election, which ruined the plans of many British MEPs to stick it out in Brussels until Brexit in 2019.

The main reason? Proposed changes to the U.K. electoral system, due to be finalized in 2018, would see the number of seats in the House of Commons cut from 650 to 600. If MEPs don’t get a seat this year, they will be forced to compete against sitting Conservative MPs whose seats will be abolished in the 2022 general election. By that stage the Conservatives are likely to have been in power for 12 years — and who wants to join the sunset period of a government, or worse, experience life on the opposition benches?

Duncan is confirmed as the Conservative candidate for the Scottish constituency of Perth and North Perthshire but told POLITICO he had a “mountain to climb” to unseat the Scottish National Party’s Pete Wishart. Vicky Ford, the highest ranking British Conservative MEP after Syed Kamall, is set to be on a shortlist of three candidates, one of the safest Conservative seats in the country.

It’s worse for Labour MEPs. If they want to stand in the election (and likely lose), they must also get past every bot, troll, and Labour supporter who fills out an MP candidate application form that the party is currently circulating on Twitter.

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HOUSE OF HISTORY OR OMEN FOR THE FUTURE: The European Parliament will open its long-awaited history museum — dubbed the House of European History — on May 6, a day before the French presidential runoff vote featuring Marine Le Pen, who has vowed to “destroy the EU.”

The Parliament promises a “a captivating experience” for visitors. (Given the museum cost €56 million it ought to be very captivating indeed.) The museum, which is located in Brussels’ Parc Léopold in the Eastman building, is a former dental clinic for disadvantaged children.

The museum website offers classroom activities on subjects such as “Why are people dying to get to Europe?” It will be open seven days a week, with free entry.

BURQA BAN, BUT NOT FOR BEEKEEPERS: UKIP released its “integration agenda” earlier this week, announcing that it would seek to ban face coverings. The planned ban provoked so much mockery that Peter Whittle, the party’s deputy leader, said it would be “ridiculous” to apply the law to beekeepers.

COMMISSION LAUNCHES ‘GIF COMPETITION’: Ever mindful of the need to be “down with the kids,” the European Commission has launched a GIF competition “to highlight the EU’s history before looking forward to its future …” Using archive footage, GIF makers of the world have been invited to create their own mini clip to show what the EU means to them.

IVANKA IN BERLIN: Ivanka Trump was in Berlin this week, speaking at an international summit. She didn’t get an easy ride from the panel moderator, who asked her: “The German audience is not that familiar with the concept of a first daughter. I’d like to ask you, what is your role, and who are you representing, your father as president of the United States, the American people, or your business?” Ouch.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: UKIP leader Paul Nuttall and Mahatma Gandhi. Nuttall likened himself and UKIP’s “integration agenda” to Gandhi, saying “first they laugh at you, then they attack you, and then you win.”

FRENCH ELECTIONS BY THE NUMBERS:

0 — The number of French constituencies won by the ruling Socialist Party.

4.99 — The percentage of National Front voters in Paris.

22 — The percentage points gap between between Emmanuel Macron and Marine Le Pen in the latest polls.

80 — The number of euros you’ll pay for a meal at La Rotonde, where Macron celebrated victory.

FEUD OF THE WEEK

Michael Ignatieff vs Viktor Orbán. The president of the Central European University and the prime minister of Hungary were both in Brussels this week, and couldn’t escape the nasty fight over an education bill that targets the George Soros-funded university. While Orbán made his case in front of skeptical MEPs, Ignatieff was taking a calmer line. The former leader of Canada’s Liberal Party had a clear message for his critics when he spoke with Playbook: “I just want to be left the hell alone.” There’s little chance of that with Orbán around.

GAFFES AND LAUGHS:

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EU dedication award: Most Tenacious Speaker of the Week goes to John Palmer, former EU correspondent for the Guardian, who was to speak at an event Tuesday on the U.K. election and Brexit at the Irish Permanent Representation to the EU. At 6:30 p.m. guests received a message that Palmer’s Eurostar had been stopped at Calais. A false fire alarm prompted the release of toxic firefighting chemicals, and passengers were forced from the train. That didn’t stop Palmer hitching his way to Brussels and getting to the event just after 8 p.m.

Party on the Titanic: French constitutional council member Noëlle Lenoir has launched a “club” for current and former ministers of European affairs. The group has 14 members including Michel Barnier, Harlem Désir, Günter Gloser and Claudie Haigneré. It met just before the first round of the French presidential election in a senate room overlooking Paris’ Luxembourg Gardens. The mood was cheerful, according to Playbook’s source in the room. Asked if they were worried about a President Le Pen, one member said: “Not a chance.”

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“It doesn’t necessarily have to be hanging. You could have the guillotine.” — UKIP local council candidate Gisela Allen on bringing back the death penalty.

WHO’S UP

Emmanuel Macron: A strong showing in the first round of the presidential election, he’s firm favorite to be the next president.

Gina Miller: The campaigner behind a British Supreme Court challenge to Brexit raised £300,000 in crowdfunding to support up to 100 pro-Europe MP candidates.

WHO’S DOWN

Jean-Luc Mélenchon: The veteran leftist is coming under pressure for refusing to tell his supporters to back Emmanuel Macron against Marine Le Pen.

Emma Marcegaglia: The concerns of BusinessEurope’s president were ignored as the Commission went ahead and proposed a shake-up of parental rights.

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