ITALIAN 4.5-WAY FIGHT FOR PARLIAMENT PRESIDENT: Silvio Berlusconi never goes away, he merely finds new ways to make his presence felt. That’s the real lesson of the past week in European politics. First the former Italian prime minister picked the winning No team in the December 4 Italian referendum. Then his former protégé Angelino Alfano was made foreign minister and the man Berlusconi propped up in power, Matteo Renzi, started to plot his way back to the top job immediately after losing it. Meanwhile in Brussels, Berlusconi’s former spokesperson Antonio Tajani is the favorite to be the new European Parliament president, after winning the European People’s Party primary. To get there he’ll have to beat fellow Italians Gianni Pittella (Socialists), Eleonora Forenza (Left), Piernicola Pedicini (from the Euroskeptic EFDD), and of course, the Italian speaking and vineyard-owning Guy Verhofstadt (Liberals).

SCHULZ KILLS COOLING-OFF PERIOD: Martin Schulz this week prevented Parliament from voting on a rule change which would have introduced a cooling-off period regarding the employment of outgoing MEPs. Schulz, who is himself leaving the Parliament at the end of 2016, argued that imposing the restriction would have limited MEPs’ freedom.

The idea behind the planned restriction was that MEPs should not become lobbyists while still receiving Parliament money. Sven Giegold, who sponsored the ill-fated plan and is a tireless campaigner for ethics reform, told Playbook: “President Schulz continues his opposition to serious integrity rules. A rejection of a vote without reasoning, and decided the night before the vote, is an arbitrary decision.”

PEILLON THE PHANTOM MEP: While debate raged this week over whether MEPs should be allowed jobs on the side (they agreed that they should), one MEP’s interests became clear. For Vincent Peillon, French presidential aspirant, it seems that being an MEP is his other job. The man who wants to run France hasn’t spoken in the Parliament chamber for more than a year. Nor has he tweeted or provided any other social media updates about his work as an MEP in more than two years, according to Playbook’s research. He did, however, manage to skip a Parliament plenary session in Strasbourg Tuesday to launch his candidacy for the presidency in Paris. The conservative candidate for the presidency, François Fillon, did travel to the European Parliament in Strasbourg this week, despite not being an MEP.

SELMAYR DISHES … Martin Selmayr, a former academic who runs Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker’s cabinet, told Helsingin Sanomat’s Pekka Mykkänen that his boss finds some commissioners boring, calling them “walking sleeping pills.” Selmayr added: “Not everybody is of added value to him.” Complaining about leaks from the weekly Commission college meeting, Selmayr delivered a leak himself: “There’s not a single person in the college of commissioners who dares to contradict President Juncker.” (Selmayr also said the publication you are reading is a “gossip newspaper.”)

PRESIDENT-ELECT? NEVER HEARD OF HIM: Reporters were left wondering why the Commission bothers to have a Spokespersons’ Service Tuesday, when they refused to confirm or provide details about a phone call that took place Monday between the incoming U.S. administration and Jean-Claude Juncker. We know the call happened, because Donald Trump’s office emailed a list of journalists on Monday saying as much. Perhaps the EU is embarrassed to appear close to Trump. Perhaps they were embarrassed that only Mike Pence, who’ll be Trump’s vice president, could be bothered to call them. We’ll never know, because the spokespeople don’t seem to think it is their job to speak. On Wednesday, the Commission refused to confirm if Juncker had called Vladimir Putin to discuss the situation in Syria.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: Austrian foreign minister Sebastian Kurz and Strictly Come Dancing star AJ Pritchard.

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:  “There’s not a single person in the college of commissioners who dares to contradict President Juncker,” said Juncker’s chief of staff, Professor Doctor Martin Selmayr.

GAFFES AND LAUGHS

Red Flag wins the Christmas card stakes: The communications agency had the Playbook team laughing out loud with this effort, mimicking the ‘Texts With Hillary’ meme.

Red light district at the Parliament: The EU quarter’s Radisson Hotel has revamped in unexpected fashion. Brussels legend has it that there are plenty of places you can rent by the hour near the Parliament. The Radisson has taken the legend a step further with a massive red lighting installation out front. It’s no longer the Radisson Blu you see, but the Radisson Red. The hotel chain says this is an effort to “connect with that ageless millennial mindset” — whatever that means — and that “hotels can enhance their world via art, music, fashion and a distinctive connection.” The brothel-theme makeover is distinctive, we agree.

Did you know? Dimitris Avramopoulos, the migration commissioner, keeps a wall of cartoons of himself just outside his private office.

Did you know? MEP Frederick Federley deliberately wears mismatching socks. He told Playbook that five years ago he decided he couldn’t be bothered matching them anymore.

Austria’s marathon presidential election word games: 2016’s endless election back-and-forth ended in a victory for Green turned independent Alexander Van der Bellen — and a new 51-letter word: Bundespraesidentenstichwahlwiederholungsverschiebung.

FEUD OF THE WEEK: China versus everyone: Beijing is on the trade warpath. It waited just a day after being granted market economy status at the WTO before launching legal action against the EU and the U.S. Donald Trump’s not going to like that, as he has been ratcheting up his rhetoric against China, which he has criticized for its military buildup in the South China Sea and for failing to pull its weight in reining in nuclear-armed North Korea. So nothing to worry about, then.

WHO’S UP:

Paolo Gentiloni: The former Italian foreign minister officially replaced Matteo Renzi as prime minister on Tuesday.

Paul Magnette: The Walloon minister-president who almost sank the EU-Canada free-trade deal was named “Belgian of the Year.”

WHO’S DOWN:

Minor European Commissioners: President Juncker thinks of them as “walking sleeping pills.”

Boris Johnson: After forgetting to toe the line on U.K. government policy on Saudi Arabia, the U.K. foreign minister is in for a spanking after criticizing the leather trousers Theresa May wore in a photo shoot.